"I will break thee against a green stone of the ford;
and thou shalt have no healing from me, if thou leavest me not."
"I will in truth be a grey wolf against thee,"
said she
- Tain
Bo Regamna
In both the Cattle Raid of Cooley and the Tain Bo
Regamna the Morrigan and Cúchulainn have an exchange where she promises to come
against the hero in different animal forms, and he in turns promises to deliver
his own attacks. One of the shapes she takes is that of a wolf. While most are
familiar with the Morrigan’s connection to crows and ravens her connection
to wolves has a particularly important connotation for me. There is
a personal meaning behind it, and one that is often on my mind.
In 2014 I was teaching at a conference along
with my friend and fellow Morrigan cohort Morgan Daimler. A few of us
were splitting a hotel room for the conference and one night while
decompressing in the hotel room we were out of the blue given a very strong
message from the Queen. If you are familiar with channel work you
might already know that if a deity needs or wants a message to come through,
sometimes there is very little you can do to stop Them. This was that kind of
unexpected message. And a message that has guided a number of my decisions, and
approaches to community, since that night.
I was not the one who channeled the message but I
share it here with Morgan Damiler’s consent, as we both feel it is something
important. Part of the imagery she saw was devotees fighting like dogs over
scraps of bones while the Queen urged that She wanted wolves, or hounds, who
perhaps where not quite a pack but at least ran in the same direction and not
against one another. Afterwards she saw those wolves going off into all
the directions of the globe, accomplishing their own work and purposes.
"My followers are headstrong proud people. They are
strong willed. This is good. But nothing is accomplished when all fight among
themselves like dogs snarling over a bone. To achieve anything of worth you
must find common ground and seek what unity can be had in diversity. I would
have a hunting pack fit to take down any prey, not feral hounds fighting over
scraps."
I remember the strength that came through in
those words, the demand to not disappoint in them. And the look in Morgan's
eyes that were not her eyes anymore. We really are a headstrong bunch. But even
if we disagree with one another, even if we are given different marching orders
in this world by the Queen, have different takes and viewpoints on life,
whether you see the Queen as simply the Irish Morrigan, or the Gaulish
Cathubodua while someone else instead connects to her as Morgan le Fay, or
Nemain etc and you do not see her as such, I hope that we can respect each
other despite those differences.
Let us not be stray dogs but the finest of
wolves. The kind of regal wolf I envision meeting Cúchulainn’s challenge.
If there is one downside to be a devotee of a
goddess connected to war, it is that Her followers have a tendency to fight a
lot. Although perhaps it’s not just something rampant in the Morrigan
devotee’s community. It’s a growing thing I keep coming across a lot in
Paganism in general. We’ve kind of forgotten how to get along with one another,
unless of course the other person believes exactly what we believe.
I’ve come across other devotees who relate to
the Queen in completely different ways than I do. Some are new to their
relationship with her, others have had a relationship with her for just as long
as I have or longer. And to be quite blunt some of us never will relate to her
in the same way. And probably shouldn’t. The marching order she gives one
person might be very different than the ones she gives to another. Any
good general isn’t going to send all the troops off to do exactly the same
task. And a tribe is only a tribe because of its differences, the myriad
of talents, coming together that support the whole. And you know what? That’s
ok. She shouldn’t want the same things from each of us, because we are not all
the same. We don’t all need the same things in life, or to learn the same
lessons, nor can we as devotees all offer Her the same things. I don’t think
the Gods are here to just make you a better person. There are elements of that,
they teach us certain lessons, and a devotional relationship can be mutually
beneficial, but the Gods I think always have the long game in mind. They are looking
at the big picture. They move in the world with a purpose. And they have
Work for each of us to do.
More and more in Paganism I see the trend of
UPG (unverified personal gnosis) battles, and devotees arguing over what is the
correct way to honor or view a deity. Or getting bent out of shape if
someone has a view point or UPG that doesn’t fit with their own views.
For many people Paganism is appealing because there is no dogma. No bible, no
holy book, sometimes really no “spiritual roadmap” other than the one you
discern for yourself. Being a devotional polytheist I don’t have much of
a problem with not having a set in stone road map. When the Morrigan
first showed up in my life there was barely anything out there written or really
being said about her. A few scant references in books that warned me DON’T GO
THERE. DANGEROUS GODDESS. All of which I ignored, having to jump off the deep
end and just trust my relationship with the Morrigan. Many times I would
have an experience with Her then not long after find something in my research
or in reading the lore that would confirm something about that
experience. It was like a spiritual trail of bread crumbs if you
will. Did I worry about if I was doing something wrong? Sure everyone worries
about that at some point. But I trusted that relationship and continued on, and
eventually I learned to rely on that connection with Her. I really didn’t
have anyone else to ask about how to go about my practices other than the Queen
herself. Saying her name in circle was like brining up Voldemort. And as
hard as that was, I’m kind of glad that I was forced to trust my instincts, and
my connection to Her. Because if I didn’t learn to build and trust that
connection, I don’t know if it would have formed so strongly.
While the appeal of Paganism is that there is
no dogma, the problem with it is there is no dogma. A lot of people
really don’t know what to do with that. A natural reaction might be to
just let someone else figure it out for you. Find someone who has been
doing it longer than you and has “the answers”. We pick the Pagan Guru we like
the best and defend their methodology vehemently but never take the leap of
discovering our own way of doing things, or finding our own answers.
And when we don't figure out the answers for ourselves, when someone
questions why we believe something or do something a certain way we
react defensively out of our own uncertainty. Because no one wants to
think they are doing something as personal as their spirituality incorrectly.
We loose site of that fine line between 'We can agree and still be friends' and
'You don't agree with me so clearly your judging me'.
Michelle Skye makes an insightful observation in a
recent post. She laments that Paganism has become very judgmental, and that her
own experiences when she found Paganism where very welcoming and open to
different modes of thinking and opinions. She mentions in passing that
Paganism has gone from a grass roots movement/religion to a more social media
based one.
“It has come to my attention lately that there is a decided
judgmental quality to Paganism. A feeling of one way is the best way. The only
way. The true way. Thus, derision and defamation are acceptable when directed
toward any individuals doing things any other way.……… Now that Paganism is
becoming bigger, more mainstream, more social media and less grass-roots, I
hope that new Pagans are experiencing the same feeling of being welcomed. I
never once, in all my new-Pagan-growing-years, felt judged for my thoughts,
opinions, or beliefs.”
– Michelle Skye
I have to agree the Paganism of today isn’t the
same as it was twenty years ago. Back then you were just happy to find
another pagan in the same town as you, you wrote to green egg or scrolled through
profiles on Witchvox to find other Pagans. Now there is no need. We can
communicate with almost anyone we want to interact with online through social
media, emails, webcam, you name it. There is something somewhat
impersonal about online interactions, or being able to use anonymous names or
accounts. You don’t really have to be polite, and most people get into
fights and dramas online that they probably wouldn’t have in a face to face
interaction. And if you do interact with some you don’t like or has ideas
that you don’t like, or go are simply different that you personal UPG well then
you can just unfriend them or block them. In short we have forgotten a
very vital skill: how to interact with someone who think differently than
ourselves, and in short how to be civil in a lot a cases. I wonder if
Skye has hit the nail on the head. Maybe we have lost touch with our grass
roots? Maybe social media and interacting online has changed paganism in ways
we haven’t expected. And we have lost touch with our base. Paganism is
growing up. If we consider the emergence of Wicca as the beginning of the
rebirth of Paganism in general in the western world, then we are talking
about a religious movement that is about 100 years old if that. Regardless
of whether you practice Wicca in particular or not it is the spark that started
Paganism as we know it today. We have grown out of our infant stage and are now
a moody teenager movement full of snark and trying to figure ourselves
out.
I have no problem interacting with people I
don’t agree with, but this idea that you can’t have fellowship and pray with
someone who thinks differently, has different politics, beliefs, or have to
worry if they will unfriend you or accuse you of not being “pagan enough” or
not honoring the Gods in the “correct” way, is toxic. Having an opinion
on a practice or simply saying it is not something you would personally do are
all valid things in my opinion, but they all require the simple etiquette of
having respect for one another. Instead of taking pride in how many
people we unfriended for not agreeing with us, maybe we should take pride in
being able to find common ground, in being able to respect someone else’s view
point even when it’s not one we share.
Wolves are predators, they are dangerous, they
have opinions. But they are also loyal. Working together they can
take on things far bigger than themselves. I hope we learn to do that
too. I hope we learn to truly be Her wolves in a way that honors Her.