Dangerous Gods

 

   I’m home from PantheaCon and finally catching up on sleep!  I had a great time connecting with old friends, plotting shenanigans, and talking and connecting with some great people.  After the workshop I taught about Badb and omens someone asked a question I get quite a lot in regards to the Morrigan, and was later asked the same question by another person later at the Con.  “Do you think the gods are dangerous?”  On one level I’m glad the conversation has moved past ‘Is the Morrigan dangerous?’ to us thinking about the nature of the gods in general.  But it is something that comes up a lot when we are talking about dark deities or ones we perceive to be.

   So are the gods dangerous?  Well the short answer is, yes.  And well when you get down to it, isn’t living dangerous too? Taking the subway or getting in your car can be dangerous too. But it’s a kind of a risk or danger that you accept.  Working with dark and dangerous gods is kind of like that.  Life is not without risks, anymore than magick or working with the gods.  I’ll get to my own definition of “dangerous” in a moment, but first let’s look one or two rungs down the spiritual hierarchical chain of beings.   Consider what any good teacher will tell you about Faeries.  Or angels for that matter.  Caution is required.  The Sidhe can be beneficial or try to eat you.  No one has any qualms over calling the Sidhe dangerous, because well they can be at times.  But it also doesn’t negate that having a connection to them and working with them can be rewarding.  The danger is understood.   We understand that although many of the Sidhe have human like appearances they are inherently not human.  They are something other, and we can’t expect them to play by human rules of have human moralities.  Likewise with angels there is an understanding that they are not human.  And if you have read the traditional descriptions of angels (they resemble fat little winged babies about as much as the Sidhe resemble Tinkerbelle) you’ll find they can be quite scary, and they rain down the wrath of god quiet often.  But again we have an easier time accepting the danger, and the understanding that some are beneficial and others we may have to be warry about or take certain precautions.

   To some extent the logic we apply to these beings we also must apply to the gods.  No matter how human they appear or what form they take, the gods are powers so vast and unknowable that our little human minds can’t really completely comprehend them.  They created stars and planets, created us and all the beings be share this planet with.  I do think the gods care about us and aspects of our lives, but at the same time I think they also have their own agendas and have a must vaster picture in mind.  We can’t apply human expectations on them, or moralities.  We want them to be human, but they are not.  That is not to say they are not a part of us, and I feel we are a part of them.  There is a connection, and interaction between us, but that is not the same thing.  Just as the Sidhe and angels may appear human-like in appearance, yet by definition are something completely “other”.      

  So where does the danger apply?  Well we can’t see the gods as spiritual parents who never get mad at us.  Trust me, gods can and do get mad at people.  And usually you get the point pretty quick when it happens.  Not showing respect to the gods, treating them like spiritual vending machines when we want something, can have consequences.  Particularly depending on the god in question.  Asking them for help and not really wanting to do the work can be dangerous too. You can’t expect the gods to wave a wand and make everything better, you have to earn it.  They will help you, but you have to be willing to bleed a little sometimes.  For example when some people have described their work with the Morrigan they will often describe a whole lot of upheaval and crap happening when they asked Her to help them bring some kind of change into their lives.  The Morrigan will goad you, throw you off the deep end so to speak.  She will place things in your path until you have truly dealt with your demons.  It’s not to say She won’t help you, she will, but it isn’t in her nature to give you the easy way out.  Similarly a friend who works with Odin has said to me in the past that “If you give him an inch, he will take a mile”.  Knowing the gods you are working with, things they might find distasteful, knowing their personalities can all help when working with them.

  The next logical question is of course “Are they too dangerous to work with?” My answer to that is No.  But like working with the fay or other beings we must approach the work with some understand that there is a certain element of risk.  The gods will challenge you, make you stronger than you have ever been, but at the same time can completely rearrange your life, and sometime it can be exactly what we need.  But when we ask them for things we must realize risk is involved, we may have to let go of other things to achieve the things we want, to become the kind of person we wish to be. My relationship with and devotion to the Great Queen is deep, there is great love there, on both ends I think.  It’s a relationship that has built and grown over many years.   But I can’t see her as a spiritual mother who will wipe my ass either.  We have to let go of that image of the gods.  That image of God the Father way up in the clouds looking down benevolently on his children, doesn’t apply to my gods. And really doesn’t describe the old testament Yahweh either.    

  So yes gods can be dangerous, working with them has consequences and rewards.  The oaths we speak to them have consequences.  We must remember that these are vast and powerful beings, they are not human, not truly, no matter how close to humanity they are they are still something “other”. 

Working with Dark Deities: Or Harm Ye None, and Other Lies I’ve Been Told

Working with Dark Deities:

Or Harm Ye None, and Other Lies I’ve Been Told

 

  Firstly I will say that the concept of Dark Gods is a modern one.  Yes I use the term, because it’s the best descriptions I have at the moment for the gods that challenge us, force us to transform, and sometimes seriously fuck up our lives for our own good.  Trust me as painful as having some things in our lives torn down is, sometime it really is for our own good.  Because it’s human nature to hold onto things for too long.  To cling to the things we know even if they are poisonous to our very being.  For the most part we don’t like change.  And the unknown terrifies us, because there are no guarantees.  And there are no guarantees when we meet dark and dangerous gods, who we will be at the end of our journey through the dark.

   There are pitfalls and challenges to working with any deity, and there seems to be a consistent pattern to the challenges many of us run into when working with dark gods.  And I think some of these arise because of how we are taught to approach the gods and how we have been taught to view change.

   Quite a lot of people find Paganism out of a desire to create real and meaningful change in their lives.  The idea of casting spells, connecting to a powerful deity and reshaping our lives into something better than it is can be a tantalizing thought.  If I do just the right spell, say just the right chant I can land the job of my dreams, find love, have a happy and content life.  Magick can do that. The Gods can do that.  But like any genie worth his salt, they will remind you that wishing for things and more importantly manifesting them isn't as simple as you’d like them to be. What we want is the Emril Lasgase approach to magick.  BAM, and you got instant change!  But it doesn’t work that way.  There is always, always a price.  And we don’t like the idea of magick or working with the Gods having a price.  But trust me it does.  Real magick, real devotion and dedication to deity, has a cost.  And its completely worth paying.   

   When I am asked about my work with the Morrigan one of the questions I am often asked is how exactly to go about causing life changing transformation in one’s life……without causing any harm.  The answer is simple, and completely not what the person wants to hear, it’s impossible.  Because Harm None doesn’t work.  When we are “baby Pagans” we buy into the idea that transformation can be as easy as burning a candle and calling on the right kind of God that we find off a list of correspondences on the internet.  Change is a beautiful pain free process, like a caterpillar changing into a beautiful butterfly.  Love and light.  Harm ye none. These are all the lies those new to Paganism are fed, and the old hats fall victim too.  So for the record, change sucks.  It hurts.  It’s painful.  And worst of all there are no guarantees where you will end up when you start down the path of true change, spiritual or otherwise, in your life. 

     In Paganism at large we get caught up in the idea of Harm Ye None, in the idea that to be a Witch you have to work in a Love and Light paradigm.  But it doesn’t work, it isn't realistic.  And not subscribing to these ideas doesn’t make you immoral or a bad person.  There are many words I use to describe myself.  Pagan: I’m a polytheist and see the Gods as very real beings with personalities and individual likes and dislikes. Priestess: I am dedicated to the Morrigan and my devotion to Her influences and drives much of my work and spiritual practice.  And I am a Witch, but I don’t buy into Harm Ye None.  Don’t get me wrong it’s a pretty thought.  But just by living breathing we effect the rest of the world, sometimes in a good creative way and sometimes in a destructive way.  Whether you ate steak last night or the vegetarian special you destroyed something to fuel your continued existence. The nature that Pagans worship is brutal and deadly at times.  Lions eat zebras, and I have no problem as seeing his brutal truth as being balanced and having a kind of beauty.  Nothing comes for free, especially in magick.  And when we get caught up in the idea that we can do magick without cost, create change without cost, we are either left wondering why our magick didn’t work or why our world is suddenly turning into a world of shit.  By “cost” I mean deep and powerful magick, or deep and powerful transformation, requires work.  You don’t have to offer grand sacrifice or your first born child to the Gods, but the things you want to bring into your life may cost you some tears and some honest soul searching.  Doing the work is a kind of offering to the Gods.  Morgan Daimler puts it quite succinctly:

  “There is risk with all powerful magic, and the bigger and more bad-ass the better the chance that someone’s gonna get hurt during the process, and that means the person doing it and that means the people effected by it.  When you’re trying to shift years worth of entropy and BS out of your life you’re going to bleed in the process and your going to spill blood as well.  Some healing cant begin without first opening wounds, and some freedom cant be gained without first cutting away that which holds us back, even if it means cutting out a part of ourselves we don’t want to let go of.  You cant uproot a tree and replant it without breaking the roots and letting the sap run, after all.  If you seek to do such a thing without harm you have failed before you’ve begun.”

   Dark deities will help you through the process of change, they will give you exactly what you asked for but at the same time they expect you to earn it.  They will sit there tapping their feet , arms folded over, until you get the point.  And that requires a certain amount of trust in the deity.  Many people who experience this will chalk it up to the deity being spiteful or dangerous.  But they are there to help you work through your darkest fears, your biggest challenges.  They are like drill sergeants preparing you for war, for the hard realities of life.  They are on your side, but they wont do the work for you.  Ultimately I trust the Morrigan.  Sometimes I don’t know were She is leading me, I may face the challenge willingly or go kicking and screaming, but there is trust between us.  Because there is a long standing, deep relationship there.

  Another aspect to the challenges many of us have with dark deities, and really working with any deity, is that we don’t really treat them as if they are real.  And If we don’t treat them as real, there is no way for us to build that Trust with them or a deep meaningful relationship.  Witchcraft as a craft /practice/magickal system when you really boil it down to the nuts and bolts is excellent at teaching us a magickal system, correspondences, and how to do ritual.  But to some extent the Gods are an after thought.  Put ten Pagans in a room and there is a pretty good chances every one of them will know how to cast a circle, call the quarters and do ritual basics, whether or not its there particular tradition or flavor of Paganism.  How we approach the Gods and relate to them tend to be where we divert in thought and practice from one another.  For myself after I started practicing Witchcraft the Gods just kind of stepped in and took over, my devotion has always been a vital part of my spirituality.  But not everyone has that experiences, and for many the gods are sock puppets.  They aren't always treated with the proper respect in ritual, and sadly in some rituals I’ve been a part of I don’t really think the person invoking them expects the Gods to actually show up. And when they do it can get quite interesting.

   At one festival I attended there was a ritual that call on the Baron Samedi.  As part of the ritual drama his hat was knocked off (let me just say a bad idea right there) and at the end of the ritual there were no offerings given or any kind of thanks.  Later that night, myself and several other people had odd things happen to them.  Someone or something knocked on our cabin door in the middle of the night.  When we opened it, no one was there, and there was really no where for anyone to hide.  And it kept happening several times.  A friend thought she saw the Baron walking through the woods near her camp, and others felt a sense of unease. As Edward Rickey would say:

 “We must deal with them as real, if we expect them to treat us and our needs as real. Reciprocity, bitches" 

No matter what we think the Gods are or aren't they are real beings with personalities, likes and dislikes, and a sense of humor.  At least that has been my experience.  The Baron I doubt cared if everyone there though he was real or no.  They called him, so he showed up and started kicking up some dirt because proper respect and protocols were not upheld. 

   I think this is true with other deities.  We call of the dark gods and forget to treat them as real beings, who can really do things.  And we feel stuck or unprepared when things actually start to happen.  Building respect and trust with a deity is a long process.  Its like any other relationship we have, it builds over time and needs to be fed to flourish.  I do see a shift in Paganism where we are becoming more centered on the Gods.  There are more events focuses specifically on deity, and more people speaking about their devotion.  And I hope that continues.

   Working and building a devotion to dark deities can be a rewarding process, and an utterly life changing one.  If you feel called to dark and dangerous gods, don’t be afraid to embrace the path, challenge what you think you know, and how you practice.  Follow the gods into the dark and be transformed.  You may cry and scream and rage along the way, but you’ll never feel more alive and your life will transform for the better. 

Sovereignty

   Sovereignty. It’s a word that can mean many different things.  There is the sovereignty of a nation.  There is the concept of sovereignty with Celtic mythology, bestowed by the goddess of the land and at times stripped away when a leader rules unjustly.  In a modern sense sovereignty can be claiming your own skin, ruling your life justly, recognizing your own self-worth and rising up to take control of your life like the King or Queen you truly are. 

   My own sovereignty has come to mind often over the past several months.  Not allowing others to take my sovereignty was part of a vow I made to the Morrigan at the Morrigan’s Call Retreat this past June.  There were other vows made that night, when we faced Macha’s sword in ritual.  And those have weighed upon my mind as well, but it is both the idea of what sovereignty is and if I have claimed it, that my mind keeps circling back too.  Because really it’s a process.  It’s something I have claimed in different ways at different times and in different parts of my life.  And looking back I realize it’s something that is continually claimed, not simply claimed once.  Sovereignty is something we continually become worthy of.  And it requires taking action.

   That is perhaps the hardest part.  Taking action.  We resist change in our lives.  Sometimes being unhappy is safer than taking a chance.  Unhappiness can become something familiar, and if we do break the negative cycles in our lives, if we go out on that limb, there are no guarantees anymore.  We question ourselves, we think ‘Maybe this is a good as if gets?’.  And so out of fear we resist change, we let others take our sovereignty from us, we let them rule our lives instead.  Because it easier. But it also means we never make room for good things to come into our lives, the things we are truly worthy of.   

   When I first encountered the Morrigan I felt broken.  She gave me the strength to leave an abusive situation, and probably saved my life.  It wasn’t easy, but I had reached a point where I had to take action.  I had to be pushed and reach my breaking point before I did anything to help myself.   I went kicking and screaming, while the Queen tapped her foot and waited for me to realize nothing was going to change until I stood up and MADE things change.  I had to accept what was going on was wrong, and if I didn’t leave it was never going to end.  I had to be the one to end it.  And I did.

  And afterwards I struggled.   I could barely pay my rent, I worked two jobs and went to school full time.  But I was happy, really happy, for the first time in my life.  I had claimed a little piece of sovereignty.  But there was still an emptiness inside me.  It would take a long time for that to go away, for me to put those broken pieces back together.  And at times I find pieces I thought I fixed, that need to be addresses again.  Because as I said, sovereignty is a process.  To be worthy of putting that crown on our heads, or that torc around our neck requires that we really dig down and look within, really look at ourselves, and accept ourselves, both the good and the bad.  And that takes time. 

  After a while I began to heal, that broken darkness began to ebb.  I brought new and better things into my life.  But I faltered in that sovereignty many times.  At times I let the wrong people into my life, I let other people walk all over me.  I gave too much of myself, not really owning that my time and energy had worth.  I let old cycles repeat without knowing it at first.  And again the Queen challenged me.  There were times She forced me to face my demons, and at other times She became silent.  I could feel Her waiting, restless, somewhere just at the edges of my perception, tapping her foot, probably raising a fierce looking eyebrow at me, waiting for me to cut the things out of my life that no longer served me before I reached a breaking point. In my mind I could hear Her say “You are the daughter of a Queen, act like it.”  Because it’s easier to embrace change when we hit rock bottom, when there is no other option, and we can’t hide behind our excuses or the things we put in our lives to distract us from owning our actions and ourselves.  The trick is to learn to be brave and stand up for ourselves, to know we are worthy of good things in life, without having to be backed into a corner to finally face these things.  And I’ve found I’m good at making excuses.  “I’ll take care of x after I finally do y”  or “When I do x, I’ll be strong enough to finally face y”.  Sometimes you just have to feel your way through the dark, you have to stand on the edge of the cliff and jump, not knowing if you are going to fly or fall.  Because if you don’t, nothing will change in life.    

  Claiming sovereignty has been a slow process.  It’s taken years.  I’ve hit plenty of speed bumps.  I’ve had to jump off of a few metaphorical cliffs and take chances.  And I’ve learned along the way its ok to be broken, sometimes you have to fall apart to rebuild yourself and your life anew. 

  At Samhain this year a friend had suggested that as part of our ritual we should remember not just the ancestors but who we have been.  You aren’t the same person you were ten years ago, or even a year ago.  We change, we evolve, we are constantly in a state of becoming.  And so we did just that.  We honored the ancestors, but then we spent a moment honoring, remembering and perhaps mourning the people we had been.  The parts of ourselves that were gone, and recognized that we had changed.  It’s something I plan on incorporating into my private Winter Solstice ritual tomorrow.  I will mourn and remember the person I was, and recognize that I am someone new.  Someone who strives to be worthy of that torc around my neck.  Because although at times I’ll wear a pentagram, or a little silver raven pendant, it’s always the torc that I prefer to wear as a symbol of my faith, as a symbol of my devotion to the Morrigan.  The Morrigan is many things, but She is always the Great Queen.  She doesn’t apologize for who She is, but revels in it, and so should we.

The Morrigan's Call Retreat

Where do I begin?  My heart is so full, I don’t know if I have the words to do the events of this weekend any justice.  I suggest reading Morgan Daimler (http://lairbhan.blogspot.com/2014/06/the-morrigans-call-retreat-dedicated-to.html) and Ed Rickey’s blogs (http://jetblackwings.blogspot.com/) about The Morrigan’s Call Retreat.  Their thoughts do it better justice than I will here, but planning this event has been a part of my life for over six months and I feel I must write something.

There was a certain sadness in leaving on Sunday.  I get this way after packing up and leaving from other festivals, but this time it was particularly sharp.  I went to work the next day feeling oddly out of place, clutching my coffee and doing mundane things. As I walking into work a crow calls out not far away.  It’s voice both harsh and beautiful.  I felt its call echo through me, and I thought to myself “I know that voice.”  And I smiled, I know the Morrigan is always with me, even here.
At my desk I think that only hours before I had been in ritual garb, spear or sword in hand, covering in battle paint, telling stories with friends, teaching workshops or listing to the workshops of our wonderful presenters.  I connected with old friends, made new ones, got to spend time with many of my Sisters, most of whom live many hours (or a plane ride) away, and together we honored the Queen. As I do my work I remembered the feeling of Her sword pressed up against my skin and the oath I spoke while a friend acted as Her vessel in a private moment in the temple we created together for Her.  I think of the Washer at the Ford, and kneeling at her cauldron, of the messages spoke on that first night of ritual work. The Great Queen’s tribe gathered, her ravens, her children came together and it was amazing to see. And I think of our last ritual, of singing Mama Gina’s Ruby song, and how we truly came together as a Tribe throughout the entire weekend.

I feel changed.  It is amazing how often I have said that in the course of a handful of years.  So much has happened, my life has taken so many interesting changes, never the ones I expected but sometimes what the Gods have in store for you is far better than the futures we imagine for ourselves.  The Morrigan has been an ever present force in my life, and I didn’t think I could feel closer to Her, but I do. 


What I loved the most about this weekend was how everyone came together in kinship.  We gathered to honor the Queen, and the fact that we came from different places, paths, traditions etc made no difference at all.  Morgan Daimler said it best in her own blog:

“People came to this retreat from as far away as Canada and Florida, from California and Virginia. People came representing many different pagan paths and belief systems. Women and men, old and young, different ethnic and socioeconomic backgrounds, different education and life experience backgrounds, different beliefs and approaches - a diverse group of people, all coming together for one purpose, to honor the Great Queen. Without melodrama, without interpersonal conflict or ego, without tension between the many, many different people's differences. We came together to honor Her, and we did; in word, and song, in ritual, and prayer, in communion with each other and by sharing our experiences and insights with each other. And it was an awesome and amazing thing to experience.” 


 And that is what Morrigu’s Daughters has been about since the very beginning.  People from all paths coming together to honor Her.  And that is what we did, through workshops, three amazing and intense rituals, creating a temple in Her honor, and simply coming together and opening our heart to one another.  The sense of kinship and Tribe was beyond words.  I can only say my heart is overflowing.  

Temenos

“To dishonor the Land is to dishonor Me”

– Message channeled by a friend during a 2013 Samhain ritual

I sit on the old but sturdy wooden deck on the cabin I will be calling home for the weekend.  My feet are barefoot, a cup of tea in my hands.  The air is finally warm, almost all traces of an exceptionally long and harsh winter fading away from the landscape.  And my usually hectic life has stilled to silence and quiet serenity.  Other than the sound of the wind blowing through the pine trees, there is nothing but blessed, blessed, silence.  This is one of the many reasons I love the woods.  When I enter the woods or some wild place it as if the burden of the world drops away like a heavy cloak.  All the many things running through my head on a normal day – there are always things to do, things to plan, emails to catch up on, friends to catch up with, work to finish, on and on the list goes – vanish.  There is only the sounds of the woods around me, the feel the earth, not pavement, under my feet.  I always feel more grounded in my body and in the heart of myself.  I am usually out hiking the trails in the state parks nearest me as much as possible during the summer months.  It’s something I’ve missed during the long winter months.    

In a few short weeks this cabin and all others at Temenos will be filled with people coming to honor the Morrigan, for the Morrigan’s Call Retreat.  It will be filled with the voice of some of my Sisters, friends, and fellow devotees of the Queen.  But now all I can think about is the blissful silence around me and the stillness within me.  I had planned on doing some ritual work and journey work, but finding the silence within has become its own kind of ritual over the weekend. I haven’t spoken a word or seen another person since the director showed me around the cabin.  And it feels as if there nothing else exists save for myself and the presence of the land  that fills my vision, that I feel beneath my feet and sense in my heart.

Part of the point of coming to this place was to, as I like to call it, “make friends with the land”.  If I am doing ritual work in an unfamiliar place I like to take some time connecting to the land.  At times it may only be a few short minutes in meditation before a ritual, in this case it is a weekend spent in the woods, away from the business and drama of life, far away from cell service and without electricity. 

Each morning I make offerings to the spirits of this place.  When I come back from hiking the trails and feel the unseen eyes of the Sidhe watching me curiously I leave them offerings on a moss covered tree stump next to the cabin.  I sit by an old mineral spring and think of my ancestors leaving offerings at the wells sacred to Brighid in Ireland.  There is a tree by the spring with ribbons hanging on it, left by others coming to this place.  I tie my own ribbons on a branch, one for the Morrigan, one for Dagda, and one for Brighid. 

When I first arrived at Temenos the retreat director spoke of how she feels this place is sacred.  And I think about part of a message a friend channeled this past Samhain “To dishonor the Land is to dishonor Me”  And I think it is no wonder that I feel the closest to Her when I am in the wild places of the world.  That I feel the most content in a grove of trees, or here on the deck of a cabin that lacks any modern amenities, listening to the wind move through the pines.

By the end of the weekend I am sad that I am leaving this place for my busy life. But I know there will be other days spent in the woods, other hours spent on more familiar trails.  And in a few short weeks we will make offerings to the land, to the Sidhe, and of course to the Morrigan.     

Line in the Sand

 

   It’s been quiet here on blog as of late, mostly because of I’ve been doing a lot of traveling in the last few months and secondly because I’ve been busy with all the final planning for the Morrigan’s Call retreat coming up this June.  I’ve gone back and forth for days, thinking about whether or not to blog about the whole Kenny Klein situation.   There are dozens of blog posts out there right now, and ten times as many posts and reactions all over social media.  I asked myself if blogging about this was just beating a dead horse?  I only met Klein once very briefly at this past PantheaCon.  What can I possibly add that hasn’t been said already?  But ultimately I think simply talking about the issues Klein’s arrest has dredged up is important.  Even if I’m the hundredth or two hundredth voice to chime in.  I am deeply saddened that many who had bad experiences with him kept silent, and angered that those who did have the courage to speak up were not taken as seriously as they should have been.

   There is a general culture of trust at most Pagan events and festivals.  For many it’s a rare opportunity to fully be ourselves.  To partake in rituals, workshops, and conversations with other like minded individuals.  We forget to question things, we forget to use common sense and caution.  And we forget that not everyone is a good person.  Yes, even Pagans.  So what is to be learned from all this?  What can we take from this situation that will prevent another person like Klein from victimizing others?  I think as a community we need to draw a line in the sand.  We need to make it clear what is acceptable, and not acceptable, in a sex positive religion.  Will we tolerate a culture of silence?  Or will we stand up for ourselves and others in our community and say this is what is acceptable, and this is what is not?  How we handles issues such as these will define us as a community.   

   That brings me to the events of the past few days, with the new uproar about Gavin and Yvonne Gavin and Yvonne Frost teaching at several events this year.  I started receiving emails and messages, from those in the online community, and even from my own students, asking if I have ever come in contact with the Frosts, and what exactly they were promoting? What was all the "fuss" about?  If you are not sure what I am talking about I suggest you read T Thorn Coyle’s blog posts about the Frosts here: http://www.thorncoyle.com/know-thyself/  , she makes many excellent points.  I personally have never met them, all I can comment on is their writings, and the serious red flags they raise.  I will remind everyone that this issue isn’t new.  The Frosts being controversial is old news, that after Klein’s arrest we are looking at with new eyes.  And honestly I am proud of my community for taking a step back and saying, this is a problem, we’ve been silent about it before, no more.  There is nothing wrong with admitting we have been wrong in the past.  Paganism is “growing up” as a community in many ways.   As we grow we need to think about how we will, both now and in the future, handle situations where people are participating, as Klein did, in illegal activity, or as the Frosts have for the last thirty plus years, promoted abuse via the sexual initiation of minors within ritual.  Some of their own words from the Good Witch’s Bible:

 “It is hoped by Wicca that the first full sexual experience will take place in the pleasant surroundings of the coven and that the spiritual as well as the physical aspects of the experience will lead the child to a complete life.” 

“At the last sabbat… before the initiation, the female novice is given the sacred phallus and the instruction sheet in Table 5 so that she can learn to insert and remove the phallus quickly and comfortably.   She is also taught how she should lie and what she should do during the initiation ceremony.”

Table 5 (Instructions for Female Novice) begins thus:

"You have been entrusted with two phalli; these are in our care until your initiation. We would like you to be initiated at the next coven meeting, which will take place on ... This means that, excluding your menstruation time, you have three weeks to prepare your muscles for introitus. Your father or your sponsor will help you if you have any difficulties or pain. "

  

   Now take a moment to think about an initiation ceremony like this being promoted in a current title about Witchcraft, rather than something from the 70’s, and from someone who hasn’t been in the community for decades.  Would it still be ok?  In my mind there is a big difference between having a positive attitude towards sexuality and exploiting others by masking abuse as spirituality.  In the 1999 edition the introduction to this chapter had a disclaimer included stating that initiations should not be done in this way until the age of 18.  Yet still what they have written remains unsettling.  And as Coyle says in her article, words have power:

“Do I think the Frosts have sex with children? I doubt it. But as an author, who knows the power of the written word, I wish they would explain. I wish they would retract. The fact that they have not taints their work for me and makes me wonder why they are invited to festivals to teach… And I like the Frosts. Remember, they are gracious, kind, warm, funny, knowledgeable, and apparently dance a mean tango. I am not here to demonize them, but to voice concerns.” (http://www.thorncoyle.com/know-thyself/)

 

And like Coyle, I’m voicing my concern.  Do we serve the community by sweeping things under the rug again?  Again we must draw that line in the sand.  We need to reevaluate how we have responded to issues like this in the past.  And I think we are beginning to do that.   And as a result unfortunately  events where the Frosts are speaking have been coming under fire.  I am proud of my community for standing up, and making their voices heard.  Yet I also understand the precarious situation this puts event planners and organizers in, the mud slinging that goes along with this, and how a situation can quickly degrade into a shouting match between two sides that ends with both parties feeling attacked and unheard.  When things fall apart like that, nothing gets resolved.  No positive change can occur.  The dialog that NEEDS to happen, never does.  This is another growing pain within Paganism that we need to deal with.  We need, as my friend Ody pointed out to me today, Transparency in our community.   We need openness, communication, and most importantly accountability. 

   This issue is bigger than any one event.  It requires us to speak up about our concerns, and most importantly to come together as a community.  So I urge you to make your voices heard.  Respond to this blog, post on social media, talk to the leaders and organizer in your community.  Lets break the silence, and draw the line in the sand. Lets take an ugly truth, like Klein being exposed for what he is, and use it to create positive change.

  

 

 

 

Of Phantom Washer Women, Cattle Raids, and Crows

  I take a deep breath and look up at the crescent above.  It’s barely even twilight and she is already shining brightly in the autumn sky.  I take another breath.  I feel alive, I feel whole, I feel complete and utterly content.  Whenever I come back from festivals, especially one where I’ve done ritual work there is always this “energy high” that I wish I could make last forever.  There is so much buzzing through my mind it is difficult to put all my thoughts in order for this post, but I will try as best I can. 

  This past weekend I taught several workshops at Florida Pagan Gathering as well as hosted a ritual in honor of the Morrigan with a group of friends who were attending the event.  I met so many wonderful people and had so many wonderful conversations!  Also got to hear my new favorite Morrigan song, “Ruby” by Mama Gina! (There are so many Morrigan songs now it’s hard to pick a fav.  I’m still in love with yours too Jenna Green! Can’t wait till it’s out on the next CD) 

  As I drive home from the airport I see a mass of dark shapes in the air along with that moon.  In the distance I guess they may be sea gulls.  I’m driving past the large river that snakes it way through Hartford I can usually see gulls here looking for food. But soon I realize they are crows. No just a few, or a dozen, or two dozen, but a sky full of them.  And the words of the song I am listening to come back to me, “But the bravest of souls are the Morrigan’s tithe/Hers for the taking and hers to revive/Oh the rubies the Raven collects/The rubies in the Morrigan’s nest”.  It makes me think of another day, when another murder of crows, if I can even call it that, rattled something within me.  (You can read about that here: http://darkgoddessmusings.blogspot.com/2013/02/a-storm-of-crows.html)  But the crows flooding the sky tonight they feel content.  They circle around the highway as the sun sinks below the horizon, and I feel the embrace of the Morrigan filling me again, as it did in our ritual in FPG, and I feel blessed to do what little bit of Her work I can in this world.

 

   Then there is the ritual we did at FPG.  In ritual, especially when you are embodying or aspecting a deity so many of the details become fuzzing afterwards. So I often try to jot down some of my thoughts and feelings afterwards.  The ritual was so beautifully powerful, it left me with such an amazing feeling afterwards, and I’m riding that ritual high still.  So here is what I wrote afterwards, although it doesn’t do the work we did justice.   

  I feel feathery wings embrace me as I walk, a caress I feel in my soul and sense in my mind’s eye.  Something familiar steps forward in me.  I am still myself, and yet I am not.  I feel taller, I want to shout, I can not stand still.  As we walk to the stone, a scattering of large boulders piled together just within sight of the water, we look over to a see there are now cows in field adjacent to the ritual space.  And I have to laugh, because it just makes sense.  The Morrigan is always concerned with cattle in her myths, they were ultimate symbol of wealth to the Celts.  They are the symbolic wealth of the land and tribe, and it is the land we have come to honor.  To call upon the Morrigan as the Goddess of sovereignty, that force the Celts saw as springing from the land itself, and that force we need to learn to re-claim in ourselves today. 

  Myself and the other women who will be calling upon different faces of the Morrigan hold hands.  And I feel part of myself step back, and I become some odd mix of the Catha Badb, the Battle Crow, and myself.  Sometimes aspecting a deity can feel intense, but not today, as wild as I feel inside it is a familiar feeling.  A comfortable, embrace of an old friend.  The very first lines of this ritual I wrote was the invocation to Badb I will say very soon.  Words that I had to pull over on the side of the road to write down on my way home one day because suddenly she was there at the edge of my thoughts telling me she had something to say.    
   Next to me the woman who will embody the Washer at the Ford begins to whisper, but it’s not her voice I hear.  I can feel the moment she is gone and the Washer Woman has stepped in.  And when the Washer at the Ford speaks her prophesy, I know I am listening to the words of the Morrigan.

  I am quiet by nature, perhaps one of the many reasons I need the Morrigan.  But in this ritual I feel like I can’t shout loud enough.  It is not my quiet voice that is speaking.  We are calling, then shouting, the Morrigan’s name, we challenge those who have gathered and those who wish to make an oath to the Great Queen come forward.  They lay their hands on my sword and I soak up each oath, each promise, each kiss of the blade, and each heartfelt vow, each shed tear.  And in the back of my mind I feel Her accepting these words, accepting these oaths, drinking them in.  We make offerings to the Great Queen and the ritual is done.  I feel blessed, whole, complete, and thankful for kinship. 

      The voice of the Washer at the Ford came through strongly in our FPG ritual, and makes me think of my own personal ritual to the Morrigan a week prior.  This Samhain has been busy.  I’ve attended so many wonderful rituals and festivals over the course of the last month, along with doing my own private devotions to the Great Queen.

  I feel her so strongly on Samhain, she is standing there on the knife’s edge, at the liminal time between times.  While I go to other rituals for Samhain on the days leading up to it and after it, the night of Samhain itself I set aside for myself.  I need that time to connect with her in a personal way.   In my own ritual I called to a different face of the Morrigan as I called the four quarters.  In the east she is the Battle Crow, in the south she is fiery Macha who tempers our souls as a smith does a blade, in the north she is the lady of Sovereignty, and in the west she is the Washer Woman, the queen of phantoms.  I wasn’t terribly surprised that it was the Washer Woman who stepped forward so strongly in my personal ritual.  The Washer at the Ford had been whispering to me for weeks.  As I called to the west I could hear the sounds of the water as she washed the armor of the slain, as she washes our fears away.  She stood in the shadows just outside of sight.  Perhaps it was the ritual we had planned for FPG, which as we continues to plan was in the back of my mind at the time,  or maybe it’s has just that this was the face of the Morrigan I needed at that moment.   I could feel water rushing all around my bare feet, as if I stood in a river, ankle deep. I could see her in my mind’s eye, veiled, the water turning the deep red of rubies and wine as she moved her hands through the water.  Reminding us she’ll wash away our fears, our lies, and all that is unworthy of our truest selves.  I dip my hands in the water I have poured into the large bowl upon my altar.  I run my wet fingers across my face, down my body.  So many things to release, so many things to let go of.  I let them flow into the waters, and flow into those Other waters I feel swirling around me but can not see with my physical eyes.  I offer them up to the Phantom Queen, until I feel bare and cleansed, and I think there is no other way to approach the Morrigan.  No other way to stand before her, except baring yourself to bone.